OH, YES!
It must be true because my "best and most true friend, that will hang with me to the end..." sent me the e-mail! ( and also to everyone else listed in the address book.)
In case you've misplaced or forgotten some of the good advice you've received through the years, here it is, compiled in one message!
In case you've received some "good advice" that I've missed, please add it to the comment form. I need all the advice I can get!
I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.
♫
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
♫
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
♫
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was lastwashed.
♫
I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.
♫
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)
♫
Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
♫
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
♫
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
♫
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
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I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
♫
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
♫
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
♫
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
♫
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even thoughI smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
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Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
♫
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
♫
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
♫
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the peoplewho make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
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I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
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And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
♫
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
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I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
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I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
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I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the SalvationArmy.
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I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
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Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
♫
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
♫
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
♫
If you don't send the link to this post to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in- law's second husband's cousin's beautician..
♫
Now may you all have a wonderful day...
and, peace to your household...
10 comments:
now i know why howard hughes lived a reclusive life
BaHaaaaaa! Great comment. I always knew there was something positive about being a recluse...now I know the rest of the story!!
It must be true because my "best and most true friend, that will hang with me to the end..." sent me the e-mail!
what makes it unique I do not remember sending this to You, guess must be brain dead. Could not spell the big A word .
PINEYWOODS
Pineywoods:
Ooops! You missed this part...
" sent me the e-mail! ( and also to everyone else listed in the address book.)
When I get an e-mail from you, it's sent just to me and not a whole host of "best friends".
(heehee)
I can't spell the big A word either!
Y'all have a good day!!
LOL! That's so true, but it's still hysterical. Thanks for sharing it. That's one of the few e-mails making the rounds that I haven't received yet. :)
Have a great weekend.
Gayle:
The one that always grabs me in the caboozle is
"...my prayers only get
answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five minutes."
Thanks for the visit and have a good week-end!!
ummmm...i'm waiting for the truscott tribute! I saw you takin' pics. And I know it was in_spiring!
Did you go to the ranch rodeo of the prairie? if so, then let me experience thru you and your pix!
inspired, Wow!!! I just kept reading.......Nail Head all the above.....Good Post....stay well....
What a great post. You missed a bit though. The bit about knowing who else in the world has already seen this email because no one has cleaned it up and you have to scroll through hundreds of email addresses! Thanks for the giggles.
tammie: I might do truscott this week..have been working on another project (not blog related!)...No, did not make it to the rodeo, much to my regret! Will visit with you later...
tapline: Just a silly post. Sometimes I just need to "lighten up"...
t.i.m.: I agree! I agree! Have a good day...
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